The loss of a grandparent…

My Grandfather passed away last night at 11:20 Eastern time. It was not unexpected, but nonetheless I feel a distinct sadness. This is the first death of a grandparent that I knew very well. He was having heart troubles and went in for a valve replacement surgery, the surgery went well but he was not strong enough to recover from the strain on his body.

It’s odd, I can’t pinpoint any one thing that I miss, I have been remembering little things through the day though. The sound of his voice, oddly contradictory as it was deep and bear like but the most gentle sound at the same time. Watching his hand move faster than I could comprehend as he crocheted baby blanket after baby blanket for premature babies. The specific phrasing he always used to say grace before a meal.

I hate to relate any of this to running because it seems inconsequential to the loss of a loved one, but I wish I could send some of the strength it gives me to my family, in particular to my Grandmother who I can not even begin to imagine the pain she is going through. I want to take the pain she has and suffer through it mile per mile until there is none left. I want to give the strength that I have in my heart to everyone who’s heart is giving out on them. I can take it, I don’t need to be strong enough to run marathons even just to push harder or faster. I just want to take any of that weakness or pain put it on my shoulders, carry it, and run it off from everyone so they don’t have to feel the loss. I have an outlet, a release valve, let me use it.

Tomorrow will be a long run. It may snow…

I miss you Paul. Please watch over Grandma and give her your strength. I trust that you are in a better place…


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